


changkyu | spinning

by plincess_cho (ai_hao)



Series: 잠들고 싶어 (In My Dream) | Changmin x Kyuhyun [10]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Super Junior
Genre: Author: Ai, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:48:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6243922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ai_hao/pseuds/plincess_cho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Changmin escapes an anxiety attack by hiding under Kyuhyun's comforter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	changkyu | spinning

_It’s happening again. I’ve got to get out of here._

 

Changmin stood in the middle of the police barracks, paralyzed. He willed his arms and legs to move towards his bed so he could pack up his things, but they refused to cooperate. He watched as the others bustled around him, completely ignoring him.

 _I’ve got to get out of here,_ a voice inside his head screamed, but his body made no effort to move. It was as if his muscles were locked into position, unable to propel him into action.

A hand clapped him on the shoulder and a familiar voice said, “Hey, are you okay?”

Changmin managed to turn to look at Siwon, who had his bag slung over his shoulder. “Uh,” was the only thing Changmin could get out. Siwon peered at him with a worried expression. While they weren’t terribly close, Siwon had known him long enough to know that something wasn’t right.

“Are you going away?” Changmin managed to ask.

“Yeah,” Siwon replied, motioning to his bag. “I’m going home for the weekend. What about you?”

 _Siwon’s leaving._ The thought registered and sent the rest of his already frenzied brain into full-on panic mode. No Siwon meant no one to take the brunt of the promotion duties for him, no one who could relate with his struggles, no one he had to pretend around, no one… “Yes,” Changmin’s voice came out in a strained sort of squeak. “I am.”

Siwon smiled broadly before pulling him into a hug. “I hope you have a great weekend,” he said. As he pulled away, he peered at Changmin again. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Again, Changmin didn’t answer. He found the strength to walk towards his bed and started shoving all of his things into a bag. For once, he didn’t bother to meticulously fold and pack each item into his bag. He needed to escape before _it_ caught up to him.

He somehow managed to fill out the proper paperwork to leave the base before practically running out the door. He quickly hailed a taxi and gave the driver the first address that popped into his head. He stared out the window and tried to regulate his breathing.

_One… two… three… four… five…_

The taxi driver was painfully unaware of the giant bout of anxiety gnawing at Changmin’s stomach, and the way he careened through traffic made Changmin nauseous. For several long moments, he thought he might vomit right there in the back of the taxi.

They pulled into the drive just as Changmin gagged back another wave of nausea. With a shaking hand, he handed the driver his credit card to swipe before staggering out of the vehicle. His legs trembled as he climbed the steps, willing himself to hurry before someone recognized him. Thankfully, the night had crept in and he used the darkness to further disguise himself.

By some sheer miracle, he made it into the elevator. His finger hovered over the button for the eleventh floor before he remembered that things had changed. _Everything’s changed_ , he thought to himself. He pressed the button for floor six and leaned against the side of the car as the elevator ascended.

Nobody answered his knock. He raised his hand again, feeling all the hope and strength draining out of him. He had managed to fight back that horrible feeling for this long, but he didn’t know how much longer he could last. With shaking fingers, he pressed the buttons on the keypad, praying to whoever was out there that the passcode had remained the same.

_Click._

The door opened. Changmin practically fell into the dormitory. He felt a wave of relief wash over him, but it was short lived. The door was different than he remembered. Everything was different. Everything had changed and everything was new and everything was horrible and…

“Hello?” he called out. Even he could hear the fear in his voice.

There was no answer. He stepped out of his shoes, leaning against the wall for support. He feared he might collapse right there in the entryway.

“Hello?” he called again, his voice even weaker than before. He needed to get somewhere safe and fast. He couldn’t let _it_ catch up to him.

The dorm remained silent.

Changmin fled for safety. He dumped his bag in the entryway and ran down the hall for the second door on the left. He hurried to divest himself of his standard military apparel and rummaged through the closet for what he hoped were a clean pair of sweatpants and t-shirt. He changed quickly before climbing directly into Kyuhyun’s bed. He wrapped the thick comforter around his body and tried to regulate his breathing.

_One… two… three… four… five…_

He rolled himself securely into the fabric that so that no hint of cold air could invade the stronghold he had created for himself. He pulled the comforter up around his chin and squeezed his eyes shut.

_Six… seven… eight… nine… ten…_

He’d tried to ignore it for so long, but now his anxiety was back in full force. He could feel it creeping through his body like an infection reaching all of his organs. Changmin shut his eyes again and tried to count.

_One… two… three… four… five…_

But even when he closed his eyes, he could still see their faces. There he was again, standing in the midst of a crowded public square. Siwon was next to him, smiling and shaking hands with everyone. Their army superiors were on Changmin’s other side, constantly watching to ensure they did as they were instructed. And then there were people everywhere, all around them. On the left, on the right, in front of them, behind them, just waiting for him to make one wrong move and humiliate his unit, his family, his company, his fellow idols, and his country.

 _“Relax, Shim, this isn’t anything you haven’t dealt with before,”_ his superior’s voice echoed in his ear, laughing. _“You’ve performed in front of thousands. Loosen up!”_

But this wasn’t the same. This time, there was no protective barrier between him and the fans, no staffs ensuring that their drinks weren’t poisoned, and worst of all, no Yunho. No Yunho to speak for the both of them, no Yunho to engage everyone with his charms, no Yunho to remind them that they were in this together, no Yunho to stand silently next to him and reassure him with his sheer presence.

Siwon was trying his best: trying to speak for the both of them, shaking hands, smiling, and trying to take the attention and pressure away from Changmin. But he wasn’t Yunho, and the thought of Yunho being a million miles away only exacerbated his anxiety.

Now the citizens clustered around him and Siwon turned from average, unfamiliar faces to the faces that haunted his memory. They turned into savage beasts with monstrous faces and flashing fangs. They reached out their claws at him and—

 _“NO!”_ Changmin yelled. His eyes shot open and he wrapped the comforter more tightly around him, as if the blanket could ward off the evil creatures. As a child, he’d fight off nightmares by hiding under his special blanket until the monsters receded from his mind. He hoped desperately that Kyuhyun’s comforter would hold the same magic powers as that blanket did.

Changmin rolled onto his side started to count again.

_One… two… three… four… five…_

He eyed the lines of wine bottles neatly arrayed by the window and decided to count those instead. It was easier to focus on concrete objects to number instead of the fleeting sense that he was in control.

_Six… seven… eight… nine… ten…_

Most of Kyuhyun’s things were piled around the room, a result of not having time to properly organize everything after his recent move to this dorm. The wine bottles, Changmin knows, were arranged by date. Each bottle had a little tag with notes of when Kyuhyun acquired each bottle, when he had consumed each bottle, and how it had tasted. It was one of Kyuhyun’s few meticulous habits, and one Changmin now greatly appreciated.

The counting managed to ward off the impending anxiety attack, and he focused all of his energy into numbering each bottle.

_Thirty-seven… thirty-eight… thirty-nine… forty…_

He was nearly up to one hundred when he heard the front door open, accompanied by two voices and two sets of footfalls.

“You’re not staying?” Kyuhyun’s voice asked.

“No,” Ryeowook’s voice replied. “I’m staying with my parents tonight.”

He heard some rummaging and then, “Whose bag is this?”

“No idea,” Kyuhyun said. A pause. “Oh wait, I think I know.”

A set of footsteps walked down the hall but stopped at the first room on the left. The footsteps walked back out and Ryeowook’s voice bid Kyuhyun goodbye. Changmin heard the other set of footsteps walk closer to the second door before it slowly opened.

“Hey,” Kyuhyun said softly, shutting the door behind him. “Do you need me to count?”

“Wine bottles,” Changmin replied, his voice hardly above a whisper. He felt the bed dip as Kyuhyun climbed onto the mattress behind him. He scooted close to his blanket-wrapped best friend and said, “Right to left, or left to right?”

“Either.”

“Alright. One, 1976 Vintage Burgundy. Two, 1976 Chardonnay. Three…”

As Kyuhyun listed off the bottles of wine, Changmin felt his body unconsciously relaxing. By the time Kyuhyun got to the 2006 Merlot, Changmin’s breathing had nearly returned to normal. He took a deep inhale and exhale and felt the tightness in his chest ease.

“Should I keep counting?” Kyuhyun asked.

“No,” Changmin replied. _Inhale, exhale._ “But thank you.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Changmin thought for a moment before replying, “No, but thank you.”

The bed shifted again as Kyuhyun got up. “I’m going to order food. Any requests?”

“Chicken?” Changmin asked, turning over to look at Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun smiled. “You got it.” He padded into the other room to make the call.

Changmin took another series of deep breaths before unwrapping himself from the blanket cocoon and walking out into the main room. The floor felt cold against his feet and he realized he hadn’t put on slippers in his mad dash to safety. He found the pile of slippers by the door and found a pair big enough for his feet. It was only then that he realized the sweatpants he was wearing fell a few inches above his ankles.

Kyuhyun hung up the phone. “I got that chicken you like and some beer… if you’re up for it.”

“Thanks,” Changmin replied.

“How are you feeling?” Kyuhyun asked, his voice laced with concern.

“Better,” Changmin said. “Much better.” He walked over to the couch and grabbed the quilt draped over the back. He wrapped it around himself before sitting down on the couch. “It’s good to see you,” he said.

Kyuhyun grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and some seaweed packets from the cabinet. He plopped himself down on the couch next to Changmin and offered him a bottle. “You too,” he replied, snapping the cap off his own bottle.

Changmin looked down at the seaweed packets and chuckled. “Masita? Really?” he held up one of the packets bearing Kyuhyun’s face. “Nerd.”

“It was free!” Kyuhyun replied in protest. “You don’t turn down free food.”

It felt so good to laugh that Changmin couldn’t stop. “Remember, when I was in Thailand?” he asked. “For that Missha fanmeet or whatever?”

“And you saw my advertisements and nearly died?” Kyuhyun replied with a grin. “How could I forget?”

“When you’re finished with enlistment, let’s go to Thailand,” Changmin suggested.

“Deal,” Kyuhyun replied. “But only if we can go to Italy after.”

Their chicken arrived halfway through planning a very elaborate post-enlistment travel itinerary that included a stop on practically every continent. Kyuhyun pulled out his computer so they could start marking each place they needed to visit and they munched on their chicken while filling their list.

By the time they were finished, it was too late for Changmin to go home without bothering his parents, so he decided to stay in the dorms for the night. Kyuhyun didn’t even bother to offer him Ryeowook’s room or one of the empties; there was that unspoken assumption that they would bunk together, just like they always did.

Kyuhyun switched off the light before tucking himself in next to Changmin. They lay there in silence before Kyuhyun said softly, “Chwang, it’s going to be okay.”

“Yeah,” Changmin replied. “I think it is.”

Kyuhyun fell asleep first. Changmin listened as his breathing grew heavier before he started to snore. Changmin wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun and held onto him tightly. Unconsciously, Kyuhyun leaned into him, pressing his back against Changmin’s front.

And for that moment, everything was as it should be. Here they were: same as always, tucked into Kyuhyun’s bed after a night of food, drinking, and planning their next adventure. Changmin pulled Kyuhyun closer and finally felt the last bit of tension drain from his body.

_“It’s going to be okay.”_

It was no surprise that this is where he felt the most safe. This was where he’d run to many times before when everything seemed to be falling apart. And each time, Kyuhyun would sit with him and count.

_One… two… three… four… five…_

More often than not, Kyuhyun couldn’t change the situation anymore than Changmin could and they both knew it. Kyuhyun couldn’t bring the other three back. Kyuhyun couldn’t stop enlistment from happening. And Kyuhyun couldn’t stop time from slipping by. But he could save Changmin from himself, and sometimes, that’s all that Changmin needed.

_“It’s going to be okay.”_

Maybe, maybe Kyuhyun was right. Maybe it would be.

Things would change: he’d return to the Seoul police, Kyuhyun would enlist, and things would be topsy-turvy for awhile. And maybe they’d never go back to the way everything used to be, but they’d find their new normal. And it would all be okay.

Changmin buried his face into Kyuhyun’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

_“It’s going to be okay.”_


End file.
